The Gong and the Bruised Heart: Understanding Emotional Sensitivity in ADHD

by Mary Rawson Foreman, PhD — Psychologist & Art Therapist, Kirkland, WA

For many adults with ADHD, emotions don’t just visit and leave politely. They move in, unpack, and start redecorating.

I sometimes ask clients to imagine being in a room with several people when a giant gong suddenly rings. Most people hear the sound for a few seconds and then it fades away. But for someone with ADHD, that sound keeps ringing long after everyone else has gone back to their conversation. The gong is emotion, and it keeps vibrating through the nervous system long after the trigger is gone.

Image by Gerhard Reus / Upslash

The Lingering Sound of Emotion

When rejection, frustration, or embarrassment happens, the ADHD brain doesn’t just shrug and move on. It replays the event, reanalyzes it, and sometimes re-sends it to the “emergency” department for processing. While others might think, “That was awkward,” the ADHD brain is still hearing the emotional gong for hours.

This isn’t overreacting. It’s how a sensitive nervous system works. The ADHD brain feels things deeply, and it takes longer to come back to calm. The same traits that make you passionate/creative and even intuitive can also make emotions feel enormous.

Growing Up with Subtle

(and sometimes NOT so subtle) Shaming

Many people with ADHD carry a long history of shame that began early. The inattentive child is told to “come back to earth” or “pay attention.” The energetic child is told to “simmer down" , "sit still” or “stop interrupting.” Over time, those messages pile up. What began as helpful guidance becomes a steady background hum of I’m not enough and /or I'm always too much.

Eventually, the brain (and body) starts expecting rejection before it even happens. That expectation becomes part of how the body reacts to the world. When someone sighs, pauses too long, or raises an eyebrow, your system might think, “Here it comes,” and prepare for impact.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’ve just been living in a world that wasn’t built for your rhythm.

The Bruised Heart

As a way to explain this I ask people to imagine their heart as a bruise. When someone bumps into that spot, even gently, it hurts more than they meant it to. The bruise isn’t weakness; it’s tenderness. It’s the result of being hit in the same place too many times.

That’s what rejection sensitivity often feels like. It’s not that the feelings are wrong or exaggerated. They’re simply older and deeper than they seem.

This image helps shift the question from “What’s wrong with me?” to “How can I care for what still hurts?” It invites kindness where self-blame used to live.

Awareness as Healing

The first step in changing the pattern is noticing it. When you feel the sting of rejection, pause and ask what’s happening in your body. Is there tightness in your chest? A drop in your stomach? Heat rising in your face?

Those sensations are the gong still ringing. They’re your body saying, “Something felt off.”

Bringing awareness to that moment is powerful. You don’t have to judge it or fix it right away. Just noticing it begins to restore your sense of safety. It’s like telling your nervous system, “Hey, I hear the gong too, but we’re okay.”

You can even start to anticipate the moments when you’re more tender, such as a difficult conversation, a work review, or a vulnerable relationship. Going in with awareness and a little compassion is like putting a soft pad over that bruise before life bumps into it again.

The Beginning of Relief

Understanding emotional sensitivity doesn’t make it disappear, but it helps you meet it differently. The ADHD brain will probably always feel things strongly. That’s part of its spark. But when you understand why the echo lingers, it stops feeling like failure.

You can begin to see the gong’s vibration as part of your design, a reminder that you’re alive, attuned, and capable of attaching and connecting with your self with a stronger sense of value and care.

The goal isn’t to stop feeling deeply. It’s to learn how to stay connected to yourself while you do.

And maybe next time that gong rings, you’ll smile a little and think, “Ah, there it is again. Loud as ever. But it’s sound, and I know how to let it fade.”