How to Wear It Lightly: Living with a Diagnosis Without Letting It Define You

by Mary Rawson Foreman, PhD — Psychologist & Art Therapist, Kirkland, WA

Around the time of the pandemic, many adults began receiving long-delayed diagnoses of ADHD, autism, and anxiety. For many, the moment of naming was life-changing. The label helped them understand struggles they had carried for decades and released years of shame. Others found that the new label also carried weight and complexity.

As the New York Times article “Autism, A.D.H.D., Anxiety: Can a Diagnosis Make You Better?” explored, diagnosis can bring profound relief but also the temptation to see oneself entirely through that lens. Holding both truths is the work of “wearing it lightly.”

The Moment of Naming

In my office, the moment of diagnosis is often one of relief. Most people come because they want to understand themselves more clearly. They may have spent years wondering if they were simply lazy or not trying hard enough. Learning that ADHD or autism is part of their story can feel like a door opening.

But relief is sometimes joined by grief. Clients begin to see how misunderstanding their own mind has shaped their life. I hold that space with care, offering quiet, compassionate attention and time for questions. I want people to feel seen, supported, and safe as they begin to rewrite their story.

What a Diagnosis Means, and What It Doesn’t

A diagnosis is not a label that limits who you are. It is an explanation that helps organize experience.

When clients learn they have ADHD or autism, they often feel relief from the old story that they are “crazy,” “lazy,” or “not enough.” Diagnosis helps redeem years of misplaced blame. I often describe it as beginning a revision of your personal history — looking back through the lens of accurate understanding rather than shame.

It is also a starting point, not an ending. Diagnosis helps guide treatment, education, and self-awareness. But it should never define the whole person.

The Risk of Over-Identification

After assessment, some adults begin to view every experience through their diagnosis. It can become the central lens for everything. I try to help clients reconnect with parts of themselves that exist outside of symptoms: their strengths, creativity, humor, and persistence.

When we explore the moments where they have felt capable and alive, people often rediscover a sense of self beyond the diagnostic framework. ADHD or autism may explain certain struggles, but it does not erase the fullness of who they are.

What It Means to “Wear It Lightly”

To wear it lightly means to know your diagnosis well enough to use it, but not to let it overshadow your identity.

People who reach this balance begin to move toward what feels right for them. They give themselves permission to find joy and rest in ways that suit their brains. They stop fighting what has never come naturally and start leaning into what does.

For some, this happens quickly. Others take time to reconnect with their authentic selves and release the shame that built up over years of misunderstanding.

In daily life, “wearing it lightly” can look like recognizing when symptoms show up and responding with care rather than judgment. It can also mean learning new strategies while holding compassion for the self that is learning them.

The Purpose of Diagnosis

I see diagnosis as both a doorway and a strategy. It clarifies, directs, and educates. It helps people see that their struggles have a context and that there are ways to support themselves.

When clients leave my office, I want them to remember their capacity. Understanding ADHD or autism can lead to self-knowledge, and self-knowledge leads to freedom. The diagnosis is information. The person is still vast, creative, and whole.

A Final Thought

Wearing a diagnosis lightly does not mean ignoring it. It means carrying it as one piece of a larger story and a story that includes resilience, and possibility.

A diagnosis can be a map, but it is not the territory. The goal is not to fit the label, but to live more fully in your own truth.