Grief Counseling
Are You Carrying a Loss That Feels Too Heavy to Hold Alone?
If you have found your way to this page I imagine it is because you are grieving. If that is the case I am so sorry. Loss is one of the most profound human experiences there is and you do not have to carry it alone.
Maybe this is a recent loss. Maybe it is a death that happened a long time ago that you thought you had moved through, until something recent brought it all back. Grief can be cumulative that way. A smaller loss can quietly open the door to everything that came before it.
Perhaps the person you are grieving is still alive but no longer themselves. A stroke, dementia, cancer, addiction. The person you knew has changed in ways that are painful and disorienting. This is called ambivalent loss and it is real, even when the person is still present. It is one of the most common and least talked about forms of grief there is.
And whatever you are feeling, including the complicated parts, the relief, the anger, the guilt, the numbness, all of it is welcome here. Sometimes the relationship we had with the person we lost was difficult. Sometimes there is a mix of pain and relief and that mix can make us feel disloyal to their memory. A professional space gives you the freedom to say all of it out loud without judgment.
Our culture does not make much room for grief. We are a productivity based culture that moves fast and has little tolerance for sitting with pain. Most people are expected to recover within a year. In my opinion a year is just a touchdown, a milestone, not a finish line. When you have lost someone you knew your whole life, grief can take much longer. And that is not weakness. That is love.
The book "It's OK That You're Not OK" by Megan Devine speaks to exactly this. Our culture's discomfort with prolonged grief can leave people feeling like something is wrong with them for still hurting. There is nothing wrong with you. You are grieving. And grieving takes as long as it takes.
Grief can feel like waves. Sometimes the thought of someone you have lost arrives gently, like a small ripple that washes over you and passes. Other times it comes out of nowhere and pummels you like a tsunami. Either way the thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise and eventually pass. Learning to be present with yourself in those moments, rather than fighting the wave or being swept away by it, is at the heart of the work we do together.
Having someone accompany you on that journey matters. Not to fix your grief or rush you through it, but to sit with you in it. To be a private place where you can put down what you have been carrying and say all the things that feel too heavy or too complicated to say anywhere else.
How Grief Counseling Can Help You Find Your Way Through
I believe that everyone's grief is unique. There is no right way to grieve and no timeline you are supposed to follow. What I offer is a space where you do not have to perform recovery or pretend to be further along than you are. It is OK not to be OK.
In our first session I will mostly listen. I want to understand what you are carrying and how I can best accompany you on your journey. We will talk about what has happened, what you are feeling, and what feels most difficult right now. There is no agenda and no pressure. Just a space that is entirely yours.
As we continue working together we will explore your relationship with the person or the loss you are grieving, including all of its complexity. The love, the difficulty, the unfinished things. I will help you identify the parts of yourself that are most affected, the scared parts, the angry parts, the parts that feel guilty or relieved or both at once. Understanding those parts and learning to care for them is how healing begins.
A Neuroscience Informed Approach to Grief
I use a therapy called Complex Integration of Multiple Brain Systems, or CIMBS, which is informed by interpersonal neurobiology. In grief work this approach is particularly powerful. Rather than just talking about your loss, we work with your whole nervous system, helping you access your innate resources and feel safer, more connected, and more cared for in the present moment.
Grief lives in the body as much as it lives in the mind. You may notice it as tightness in your chest, a heaviness that will not lift, or a sudden wave of emotion that seems to come from nowhere. CIMBS helps you learn to be present with those sensations rather than overwhelmed by them. Over time this builds a kind of inner steadiness, not an absence of pain, but a greater capacity to move through it.
The goal is not to stop grieving. It is to grieve in a way that does not sweep you away. To find, even in the midst of loss, moments of connection, safety, and care. Those moments are what allow you to slowly, gently return to your life.
You can learn more about CIMBS a neuroscience informed psychotherapy on my CIMBS page.
Common Questions About Grief Counseling
I've been grieving for a long time. Is it too late to get help?
It is never too late. Grief does not have an expiration date and neither does the support available to you. Some people come to grief counseling years or even decades after a loss, when something new has stirred up what was never fully processed. Wherever you are in your journey there is room for healing.
What if my grief feels complicated or hard to explain?
That is exactly what this space is for. Grief is rarely simple. You may be grieving someone who was difficult to love, or feeling relief alongside your sadness, or mourning someone who is still alive but no longer themselves. You may not even have words for what you are feeling yet. You do not need to have it figured out before you call. We will figure it out together.
Will I have to talk about things I am not ready to talk about?
No. You set the pace. My job is to accompany you, not push you. We will only go where you are ready to go and there is no pressure to share anything before you feel safe enough to do so. Some sessions we may sit with silence. Some sessions the words will pour out. Both are completely fine.
How is grief counseling different from just talking to a friend?
Friends and family love you and want to help but they are often uncomfortable with grief. Our culture just wants things to go back to normal as quickly as possible. That puts a quiet pressure on grieving people to move on before they are ready. A therapist brings something different. I am not uncomfortable with your pain. I am not waiting for you to feel better so that we can change the subject. I am here specifically to sit with you in it, for as long as you need.
You Do Not Have to Carry This Alone
Grief is not something to get over. It is something to move through, at your own pace, with the right support alongside you. If you are ready to stop carrying this alone I invite you to reach out for a free 20-minute phone consultation. We do not have to have a plan yet. We just have to start. I am here.